中考英语写作精彩点评与修改（一）
来源：e度教育社区 作者：刘晓伟 2009-03-24 13:22:05
标签：英语说两句
刘晓伟老师—中考英语写作精彩点评与修改（一）
2009中考大战迫在眉睫，很多学生和家长都希望在剩下的两个多月里争取在英语有所突破，我本人在周日下午的课最多也只能向20多人学生面授中考写作课程，为了能让更多的学生和家长受益，我把利用课余时间帮助学生修改的作文全部登出来，每篇文章都附有点评和原文修改。希望大家能避免一些常见的错误，多使用一些地道的短语和句式，为自己的中考之路添加更多的信心和实力。
作文修改如下：
先表扬一下：内容都写到位了，关键在于组织。
急需改进的地方：
1. 正确的语法结构。
2. 几个简单合并成复杂句。
3 前后句子的连贯性。
4 一定要分段。
I have an unforgettable night on last Friday. Because I saved my grandpa’s life. (I had an unforgettable night last Friday because I saved my grandpa's life.)
Last Friday, my parents were not at home, and I watched TV in living room. My grandpa was watch newspaper in his room. (将几个简单句合并更好一些，可以写成：My parents were not in on the very night. I was watching TV in the living room while my grandpa was reading newspaper in his bedroom.)When I walked in his room, I find he had lost consciousness. (最好用双宾语结构：find sb doing sth. 可以写成：When I walked into his room, I found him lying on the ground and lost his consciousness.) So I immediately called 120, put he lay and opened the window. (不成句子，是个硬伤。可以写成：Without hesitation, after putting him on the bed and opening the window, I immediately called 120.) In this time, doctor came. A doctor said I had a good job, and I saved my grandpa’s life. (将几个简单句合并更好一些，可以写成：At last, the doctor arrived, who told me that I had done a good job of saving my grandpa's life.)
What an unforgettable Friday!!
(What an unforgettable night!)
恭喜你能坚持写完，并能看完这篇被我修改的文章。这样的人不多，你是这个班第二个这么做的，所以我要对你说：你很棒！能想象你以后很牛很牛的的样子。继续努力！
你还有5篇没有阅读 更多点击查看 http://home.eduu.com/space.php?uid=178835
欢迎使用手机、平板等移动设备访问北京中考网，2017中考一路陪伴同行！>>点击查看
